“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. ” ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart
This may sound depressing and what Pema’s quote above says is that this cycle of life of chaos and order are inevitable and always in the process of motion. But if you go deeper and have the courage to embrace change, it is very liberating to know that things are continually transforming.
It is this very transformation that if you change your filter or perspective towards will appear fascinating and inspiring instead of scary and depressing.
You may have gotten used to the idea of static comfort zones but eventually solidity, rigidity and non-transformation are more painful than the allowing of it. When you allow and provide the room for joy and grief without shutting one out, you enjoy and experience deep healing.
Being vulnerable to the various seasons of life is scary but flexibility leaves more room for change in contrast to inflexibility and solidity, stagnation. After all, a flexible branch and plant can weather the storm where solid trees get uprooted.
What can we do? Pema’s advice is golden in these difficult moments of life where she says that we need to allow, and to have room for sadness and for joy to happen without selectively shutting one or the other.
Instead of struggling against everything, non-grasping, and detachment and allowing are more gentle and kind approaches.
“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.”- Pema Chödrön